For the last year or so, my status had been pretty stable and positive. The drugs were working to keep the cancer at bay. Recently, the cancer began to grow again and my doctor switched me to the fourth generation medication. It’s supposed to be effective and the side effects have been modest so far.

However, the transition to a new medication was a wake-up call that I had become complacent again. Because I took my medication twice a day I could never forget I have cancer, but consistent waves of good news had made me forget how tenuous my position really is. In addition, a former coach at my gym died unexpectedly at the age of 26. Combined, these two events made me remember that I’m living on borrowed time. Really, I should have been dead at this point – the life expectancy of stage 4 lung cancer patients is not great.

For practical reasons (such as rent and health insurance), I can’t quit my job and travel the world. However, I can make it a priority to do the things I love that are within reach. I’ve already been doing a lot of that, such as volunteering and participating in the Alliance Francaise. But this just added a new urgency to it all.

I love teaching and for the past several years I’ve been teaching an online world history class. Someone else designed the course, so it doesn’t suit my teaching philosophy. Again, I got complacent and let the same lectures and assignments rollover each year. I made a few minor changes two years ago, but the course really needed to be completely redone. So, I’m finally going to make the class mine and teach it the way I think it should be taught. Hopefully, I’ll make it a better class as well.

Revamping the course rekindled my passion for teaching. I couldn’t stop thinking about the syllabus and jumped out of bed in the middle of the night (during my drug-induced insomnia) to jot down ideas. I expanded my syllabus while eating breakfast. I took joy in ordering books, taking notes and writing lectures. I think I’ve missed that academic stimulation since I quit working as an adjunct full-time.

I also started to come to terms with the fact I wasn’t a teacher full-time. I have a job that pays well, offers good benefits and lets me work with nice people. At the same, I get to teach the topics I want to teach and do it the way I want to do it, instead of teaching to the test and disciplining students.

Roleplaying games are my other recently renewed passion. I played a few different varieties before and after graduate school, but I haven’t played for at least two years. I decided to pick it up again after seeing some kids play at church. I found some acquaintances at church who wanted to play, but none were willing to organize a group or serve as the dungeon master (arbiter of rules and storyteller). I’m most familiar with Pathfinder (a variant of Dungeons and Dragons 3^rd edition) and stepped up to lead even though I just wanted to be a player.

And I fell in love! I had been a (rather mediocre) game master before, because I tended to railroad the players into a specific storyline and was unwilling to improvise. Now, I’ve tried to be a little more flexible. Plus, I’ve really thrown myself into creating immersion. I found a great site that produces mood-setting ambient music and a great variety of faux-parchment printer paper that I use to create clues and maps. I’ve also found a few other trinkets to surprise and delight my players.

Usually, I’m a pretty even-keeled kind of guy, and I have been described (most infamously) as inscrutable. But during game nights I get into character when I take on the role of a frightened villager or surly guardsman. I’m still not great at improvising dialogue, but I try to have fun with it. One player described me as a “natural GM” which I never would have imagined a few weeks ago. I have fun because my players are enjoying the game.

Although the transition to a new medication was a little scary, it helped me reclaim what I really love to do.